…I get blur especially with those trains. Like really super blur.
I always have to asked people which way should I go because I see a lot of stairs and I get confuse. The right side or the left side? I don’t know.

And then there is 2 trains, one to Ampang and another one to Sri Petaling. Which one should I board? I don’t know either. Just today I took LRT from PWTC to Hang Tuah and I don’t know which one to take. I saw a girl standing there and I asked her whether this Ampang train will take me to Hang Tuah and she tell me no. And then I go and double check and that Ampang train actually can bring me to Hang Tuah. Shit, I have to wait for another one.

I really am very bad at all this. There is this one time when I was in the train, I was thinking and thinking, a lot of things is going on in my mind and at last I miss the station I should get off. I panic. Such stupid things always happen to me. Sigh..

Last time, someone used to take LRT with me and I don’t have to worry at all. I just follow and follow. But now, I have to go all by myself. After taking so many times, I still have to ask people. But I will learn, I will learn to be independent.

Oh, and there is this one thing I realize from taking buses. Most of the Malaysians will not give seats to elderly and those people who always give seats to elderly are Africans. I’ve saw this quite a couple of times already. I feel so a shame. Malaysians not giving seats to Malaysians and Africans giving seats to Malaysians. Sigh, selfish. Most of the time I just stand. But there is one thing good about taking Rapid Kl is that I get to watch Bernard. Hahaha, super funny cartoon. I always laugh in the bus when I get to watch it, I think people think that I’m crazy. Haha..

* Just a random picture of my little cousin and me. Getting bigger and bigger each day, haha. I’ll try to capture a video next time, he is super cute. And er, I look a lot like a kid here. I seriously need to grow back my hair. lol

I’ve got so much things to say but I learned that sometimes, some things are not meant to be say.
I really feel so much like saying it but I try not to make anyone’s life miserable. I don’t wanna hate nor create hate anymore. Anyone of you who wants to hate me or dislike me, you can carry one. Anyone who wanna say anything about me behind my back or straight at my face, I am also fine with that. No, I don’t hate you guys. I feel better if I don’t hate. As long as you people are happy at what you have done and what you are doing, by all means go ahead.

Oh, I’ve just make a decision that erm….., how do I say it? Ok, erm… I’ve just make the biggest decision in my life. Or maybe not biggest, 2nd biggest or 3rd biggest maybe. Shit, I’m babbling. Ok, erm… I wanna get a tattoo. Shit, what did I just say? Did I just say a tattoo?

Er, yah.. A tattoo. I used to say I wish to get a tattoo but I will never go get one because I’m afraid of the pain and it is really a huge commitment. I don’t want to tattoo a fairy or butterfly or whatever it is on my body which is basically a random thing without any reason. I cant commit to that. Moreover, my pain endurance is super low. First, I can’t commit and second I am afraid of the pain.

But yesterday which so happen is my moody day again (as usual), suddenly it strike me that I need and want to tattoo your name on my body. I want to tattoo your name at my inner wrist.
I don’t mind the pain and I am 100% sure that I can commit. I asked myself a lot of questions, before I am sure that I can commit to it.
I just want you to be with me every second and keep me calm. To accompany me everywhere I go. To be with me no matter I’m happy or sad. To make me feel safe and secure.

I don’t care if it will affect my interview in the future when I want to get a job. I just want you to be there with me when I’m nervous.
I don’t care if it looks ugly on my wedding day, I just want you to be with me when I wed.
I don’t care when I grow old and it looks ugly on my wrinkly wrist, I just want you to be there with me. I don’t care about what my mom’s reaction will be, I just need you.

Am I doing things without thinking again this time? But I really did think about it and ask myself possible questions before coming to this decision. I really think I am going to get it, but not so soon though. I’m not doing this out of peer pressure or for the coolness or shits like that. This really means a lot to me.

I love you and I want you to be with me. I need you.
(Ok, I hope I have the guts and don’t chicken out last minute.)