Hello my friends, hello readers I no longer have.
There’s this little urge in me that made me want to start blogging again and by again I don’t mean once every few months. I mean like old times or at least commit to once a month if once a week is too hard to stick with.
I gave my blog a new facelift because I think it deserves one and also because the old look doesn’t resonate with me anymore. I need to be happy with how my blog looks to be able to blog, specific much.
I customized the template a fair bit and it was fun yet irritating at the same time. With that said, being able to deal with css and html does gave me a sense of achievement.

I am turning 30 in a day time and I feel like a blog post is due. In addition to that, my blog is 12!
Like it is about to enter teenage years and that just blows my mind a little.
30 used to feel so far away but right now, it’s just here. How did the past 10 years went by so quickly!?
The memories seem to be getting more and more vague or was it because I kinda finally let go of the past?
I tend to reread my own posts every now and then to see if I grow or have any changes in thoughts or something along the line. So before I started typing away I read a few of my own posts and there was this post a little over a year ago in particular that made me realise, I did move forward.

I fear the transition, I fear jumping out of my comfort zone but I gotta do what I gotta do.
If I keep pushing it back, I will never go forward and start doing something for myself.
If I die tomorrow I will never know if I will be able to make it on my own because I never get the chance to try, because I was too afraid so it was like a never ending postpone session.
I would rather die trying than to not try at all.

After reading my own ramblings I actually just say out loud to myself, ‘you did it’. Really, I did it.
I still have a long way to go, far from what I want to achieve but I’ve taken the first step and I’ve learned to not beat myself up for not getting the results I want yet.
I would say the past month I have been feeling exceptionally good and not for any external factors.
Something internally changed and my view towards a lot of things changed too.

To me, there’s no certain age that defines adulthood. Turning 21 isn’t adulthood, or 24 which people claim to be the new age for adulthood. Age is just a number, really. Adulthood to me really means that you have this set of commitment and responsibilities on hand, bills with your name on it which you are able to fulfil. I don’t quite consider myself as an adult for a long time because I do not have commitments until I started paying bills and whatnot during my stay in Melbourne.
But recently, I felt like an adult more than ever because I have this set of responsibilities to fullfill. Not so much on commitment, I do try to stay away from that whenever I can.
Instead of paying for phone bill, I choose to continue using prepaid because each month it only adds up to as little as RM40. I absolutely love it! I do not have credit card commitment because I promised myself during college time that I will not get one knowing that I have no self control whatsoever. Like I always say, because I can’t control my spending I will control the situation by not getting that credit card. No housing loan, no car loan, no nothing. I don’t think there’s right or wrong, I just don’t need this set of commitments as of now. In a way I wouldn’t want to invest in property and I have a house to live in, so buying a property just don’t speak to me.

Besides my responsibilities (mainly cafe related), what made me feel like I’m moving into the real adulthood situation is that recently I’ve developed a morning routine for myself which I am pretty happy about. So during weekday I wake up around 5.30 to 5.45 in the morning and the first thing I do is a little stretch. After my stretch I drink a cup of water and start my 10 minutes exercise. Sometimes I don’t have a strong enough will power to finish the whole exercise routine which I follow on Youtube but on days that I can, I feel that I achieve something early in the morning. I then go brush up, get change and do my make up. While I do my make up, I always watch motivational videos on Youtube to set my mind straight. It does feel like a little booster for my brain and I love it. Then I head out of the house and go to work and for that entire hour in the morning I do not touch my phone except for hitting that snooze button or off the alarm. I don’t scroll through any social medias, I don’t check whatsapp messages, I don’t check my email until I get into the car. As long as it is workday, I stick to this routine. Weekend is cheat day so I do whatever I like, haha.

Honestly speaking, this routine has made me feel pretty happy about myself and probably soon enough I will fine tune my morning routine to a better version.
Perhaps instead of a cup of water I could do a cup of lemon water and instead of setting alarm on my phone I can use a real alarm clock which I did buy but haven’t look around the house for batteries.
I want to add in a slot for self affirmation talk too but I tend to take too long to put on my make up so I always run out of time and my mom will start annoying me and semi ruin my morning lol.

If you don’t have a morning routine, I suggest you to start one because it really does help set our mind on a clearer path first thing in the morning. I want to start looking into evening/ bedtime routine soon, I think I am almost ready for that. I want to have some sections in life whereby I can be discipline because otherwise I may develop a habit of not caring enough and fuck my life up without me noticing.
There are a number of things that I set for myself which I am not following 100% but I would love to be able to do it sooner than later. So besides having a morning routine, I am also doing intermittent fasting. I allow myself to eat within an eight hour time frame and I fast for 16 hours. I don’t eat anything for breakfast, just a cup of coffee and my first meal will always be my lunch. Of course I do have my cheat day but I fast at least 5 days a week. My appetite has gone smaller which I am very happy about because my prime minister said the secret to old age is to not eat too full. I also cut down on my carbs intake and replace it with broccoli.
Whatever that I am typing definitely tally with my damn age right now, I sound like an auntie haha.

I also set a one movie a week and 30 minutes of reading a day task for myself but I haven’t been able to achieve that as of now. There’s always something to learn from great movies and I’ve been striking off IMDB top 250 movies list bit by bit. What annoys me though is that there’s a lot of movies that are unavailable on Netflix and it makes it very hard for me. As for reading, it never seem to win over the fact that scrolling through my phone is a lot more interesting than reading a book but I found myself a way now. I don’t want to use ‘busy’ or ‘no time’ as an excuse so I’m gonna read in the train when I commute home from work and put my damn phone away. I just bought 5 books online, it will keep me busy for awhile.

So these are the things that I am up to recently besides working in my cafe for almost 12 hours a day during weekday. This one month of watching inspirational videos gave me a lot of insight and epiphany but I will keep that for another time.
I don’t exactly fancy the fact that I am turning 30 but at the same time I tell myself, age is just a number!!
There’s a part of me that will always be like a kid. In fact, I feel more like a kid now than say, 10 years back. This sound contradicting but I feel like a young kid and an adult at the same time. There are things that I don’t take as seriously anymore, I can laugh at a lot of things and just be silly most of the time. In fact I think I often laugh too hard and too easily but hey, that is something I never complain about.

When memories come flooding back, I will reminisce about the old days but overall I do feel pretty happy and I am happy that I feel happy wtf.
I rarely have a post that contains a lot of positive vibes but this time though….. :)