Today, my emotions stirred up a little inside of me while I was at work.
Yes, while I was at work.
I blame it on my monthly visit and maybe the songs that I was listening to.

Songs can be a pain in the ass sometimes when it nudges you and say, ‘HEY, look here! Look at this piece of memory? Remember how this felt like?’. ‘HEY, HEY YOU!’.
And sometimes you just cant ignore memories, they’re all inside of us. They’re a part of us, they grow with us.

This may sound weird but I don’t fancy happy songs. The happier a song is, the more I dislike it.
Which explains why I often had sad memories when songs reminded me of them.

I wasn’t having a sad moment today. Not quite like it.
I was just somehow reminded of how hurt I once was. Too many flashbacks.
I remembered the pain I suffered and it was such a painful one I wonder who else suffered from this kind of pain.
I was reminded of how dark my day was and happiness seems like a total stranger to me.
I woke up everyday feeling that sharp heartache knowing that I cant do a single shit about it.

I struggled for too long. My best friends stood by me, and watch me suffer because I wouldn’t listen to them.
I miss both my best friends. They’ve been through so much with me in my life and without them, I’m not sure if I can go through it myself.
I feel so blessed to have them in my life and I cant believe these two can make me cry while I type this haha.

I do realise that a lot of people dislike me and one of the reason being is that I stood up for myself.
I fight back and defend when it’s full with bullshits.

I was told that my ex said, ‘Cheap people like you can only afford going to bazaar and buy second hand stuff’ about me.
What kind of a person will say something like such? Especially when it comes out from a guy.
I am sorry if me being not as rich as you, I mean not being as rich as your parent makes you cringe.
I am also sorry if my family background that is not as good as yours makes you cringe.
I am also sorry for the passing of my father that resulted me being a cheap person because I do not have my father to rely on while you have yours.

But I am not sorry when I have the ability to earn my money now and you don’t.
In fact for the past 9 years I’ve been earning money and there is nothing to be sorry about.

You can laugh at my pathetic life, if you think it is pathetic and if it entertains you.
I don’t mind.
_

I was a little down while I worked and thought to myself, dad why aren’t you here.
Why am I sitting here doing this kind of shit job which I hate.
But the thought just ends there.

I am better than that and I am stronger than this.
I am always reminded by my bestfriend that I am a strong person.

Yes I know.
I knew it all along.