I’ve been asked what is my favourite photography genre a couple of times recently and my answer was always, “Well, I don’t really know. I shoot random things but I guess I prefer street photography if I have to pick one.”

I always thought that I have no favourite genre because truth be told I do shoot random scenes and things but now that I am taking this whole thing more seriously I realised my favourite genre is indeed street photography. Not landscape, not architecture, not portrait, nope.
Landscape bore the fuck out of me HAHA. It’s nice and all but I honestly don’t feel much.
As much as I see myself as an introvert half the time or to put it more accurately, an outgoing introvert I am actually a people person.

(Leica Z2X / Hillvale Sunny 16)

Deep down I am very drawn to people, human beings and I am often very curious.
Humans of New York is one of my favourite page because through Brandon Stanton’s lens and bravery (yeap it is bravery to me) I get to feed my curiosity towards human.
Through his work I’ve seen so many types of struggles that different people are suffering from and also through his work it tells me that there are good people around, believe in humanity and have faith.
Fucked up humans make me extremely sad but at the same time I am very hooked on trying to know why they’re actually fucked up.

That Friday when a speeding car ran over pedestrians during lunch hour near Bourke Street Mall.
(Leica Z2X / Hillvale Sunny 16)

Criminal minds for example, especially serial killers fascinates me in a way. Maybe I shouldn’t use the word fascinates as I may sound too creepy now but really, I can’t help but wonder what is going on in their mind. What sort of childhood did they had that disturbed them so much and turned them into a serial killer. Childhood makes or breaks our adulthood, that’s what I believe.
I didn’t have a very good childhood, (it wasn’t BAD bad but it wasn’t really good either) so it shapes me in a way that deep down, I am a little fucked up too.

I am super self conflicting, extremist to say the least and perhaps might have the tendency to be a bipolar too. I’m not going to tell you my dark side because sometimes I gave myself a wtf look too but I do have my dark side. Is that the reason why I am drawn to human beings, I don’t know?
I want to hear about all those interesting stories, about all the different lives people are living but if you come to me and have small talk, I will want to run away. Like just leave me alone.
I am a confusing soul.

Quiet streets, gloomy day, death of loved ones.
(Leica Z2X / Hillvale Sunny 16)

I’ve found out that the reason why I love street photography is because it is a social and solitary pursuit.
I could just be alone, wandering around streets and looking at the world through my lens and really just be in my own world.
At the same time I am surrounded by people walking to their destination, going about on their business and the world just keeps moving.
At this point of time I do not wish to be notice by people I am photographing because I do not have the courage but I guess I will take up the challenge so that I can capture a more intense emotion or chemistry. I would like to start building up my courage to walk closer to my subject.

Despite, life goes on…
(Fujifilm Mini Tiara / Agfa Vista 400)

How many times I so wish to be as courageous as Brandon and talk to people I took pictures of on the street but I fear and I often think too much. I just fear rejection, basically. Yeap rejection is the word.
When I was young I have this feeling of my mom rejecting me and it haunts me although I know she wasn’t doing it on purpose because now that I am an adult I know how hard it was for her to raise me and my brother alone especially when I am the black sheep of my small family.
I honestly am so afraid of that rejection feeling so I try my best to find validation and affirmation through whichever way that I can.

How many times have I stress over not having any talent when I was young, you have no idea.
Why do I not have any talent when I saw peers around me studying so well, playing musical instruments, drawing and whatsoever. Why does everything just seems so hard to me, I often try to figure it out because without a talent or something that I can be good at no one is ever going to validate me.
I needed that attention from somewhere else when I lost the attention my dad gave me.
That could even be why I used to cut myself in high school, I needed attention and caring from somebody else. Anybody else for that matter. Of course part of me wanted to really leave this world too because I was extremely stressful and depressed. My daily routine after school used to be: came home from school, grab my lunch, then wait for my mom to head to work, head to my bedroom, pulled all the curtains, listen to fucking sad music and cry my eyeballs out. I was about 14 to 15 back then.
Honestly it wasn’t a very nice feeling and perhaps because I’ve felt all these intense sadness so many times for so many different reasons I empathize people who’s having a hard time.

(Fujifilm Mini Tiara / Agfa Vista 400)

So whenever I see a sad face on the street especially homeless people, a huge part of me wants to go over and talk to them but for some reason I never end up doing it. Well I did, just once and it was because that homeless guy was very different from the other ones. He was extremely positive so he makes it easier for me to walk up to him. Other times I so wish to just stop and stand still, adjust my camera settings, focus and take a few photographs but at the same time I also find that it might be rude for me to invade their spaces. Most of the time I just stare at them for a little while, really wanting to take a picture but I moved on and go about what I was doing at that moment.

I personally have low confidence level which is something I dislike people to see through and all the photographers that I met, acquaintances and friends gave me assurance that I should give my work more credit and have more confidence in what I am doing.
I’m not a photographer, not an amateur photographer, not an aspiring photographer, but just someone who loves taking photographs that’s all.
And how you define a photographer is someone who actually earns money from selling photos or services, that’s a photographer. Not just someone who owns a camera.

(Fujifilm Mini Tiara / Agfa Vista 400)

If you’ve been a long enough reader or a close friend of mine you’ll know that I started out with my pink Sony point and shoot which I mainly used it to take shameless selfies (guilty as charged), tons and tons of party pictures and ugly food photos. It was few years after when my camera died on me I tried changing to a new one, a stupid Samsung that drove me nuts and I just stopped using it and use my iphone camera instead. Then I bought my Fuji XM1 here in Melbourne and later on sold it off to upgrade it to Fuji XT10 which I am currently using. All these while (besides that lousy Samsung camera) I always carry my camera with me, in and out. No matter where I go, my camera is always with me. Even if I am going out for a quick lunch or a short coffee session, I have it with me and it has been a habit of mine since my pink Sony days which was probably at least 8 years ago.

A photo of absolute no patience. 
( Fujifilm Mini Tiara / Agfa Vista 400)

But because I’ve since changed into a mirrorless and it is bulky to say the least I cant bring it with me to clubs any more (not that I even go all that often) so I made a decision if I have to go to places where I’ll look like an idiot with a bulky mirrorless I will bring my super compact Fujifilm Mini Tiara that uses film.
On normal days now especially when I am using a tote bag I will have two cameras with me, my digital Fuji and a film camera, whichever I feel like it (because I now have 13 film cameras with me)!

Maybe I will start challenging myself and try talking to random people that interests me, that feeds my curiosity. I’d like to curate something in the future too but I’m just really not there yet. I see photo shoots I like on the internet and keep it as my mood board and I could try to replicate it but at the end of the day it doesn’t speak to me even though it might turn out looking nice.
If I were to curate a series I want my pictures to speak on my behalf, to show the deepest side of me because really it takes a lot of time, patience and attention for a person to know the real me.
My mom don’t know me well enough, not even my siblings or my exes I dare say. Or perhaps even myself.

It’s a lonely journey but aim high. 
(Fujifilm Mini Tiara / Agfa Vista 400)

Taking photographs on the street gives me a sense of calmness. quietness despite the busy surroundings, and in a weird way I get to communicate with myself more.

(P/S: If you’re into this sort of stuff go watch Finding Vivian Maier!)