A lot has happened this March.
Never in a million years have I thought that I will experience this so soon but yet I did.
In fact, it isn’t just March.
Not sure for you but my 2014 hasn’t been smooth thus far.

I started off the year with a lot of arguments. There were too many dissatisfaction which lead to quarreling every alternate days.
I was back to my old emotional self for awhile and that hurts a lot.

Just when the arguments started wearing off and I was back to my old happy self, really looking forward to my Japan trip I read a bad piece of news.
Our very own MAS airplane went missing while on the way to Beijing, few days before I flew off to Osaka.
I was affected by the news because I was afraid (I’ve always been afraid of boarding a plane that will crash).
Not only was I affected because I was afraid of boarding a plane so soon but I was also very afraid and concern over my brother’s safety.
He’s a pilot and I don’t want to imagine losing a family member this close to me after my father’s death.
Not sure how my mom feels but every single time my brother step out of the house for work, I feel scared.
And every time I see him coming home in one piece, I feel relieved.
I also have friends who work as a pilot and stewardess, so it does really affect me in a way.

I was constantly updating myself by reading the news while I was at Japan but because I was travelling, I wasn’t that focus.
The travelling did lighten my heart a little bit during that few days.
Then I came home on Friday, got myself a complimentary ticket to FMFA which was great at first.

I partied, had fun, went back to Fatty’s place, slept, and woke up with the worst news after 14 years.
A very very good friend of mine passed away at that exact same place, it was too hard to digest.
In fact he passed me by at the rave and I kept thinking to myself if I have followed him that night, he might still be here.
If I had done a little bit more, just a little bit more by following him. But I did not and he’s a very close friend of mine, so this feeling inside of me really…… I don’t even know how to describe.

It was such a hard time for all of us, all of his close friends and family.
I find it hard to face his mother because occasionally I’ll end up at his house and then bump into his mother and talk a little.
I also find it very hard for me to see how upset and heartbroken my boyfriend was. I just cant do anything to make him feel better.
Then there were a whole lot of close friends who were heartbroken at the same time too.
The pain from seeing my love one being heartbroken, the pain from seeing all my close friends being heartbroken, and the pain from in within feeling really heartbroken.
It was too much to handle and up till this day I still feel like it was a really really bad dream sometimes.

After trying to get it together for a week, I received another news from my bestfriend that her dad passed away.
I was lost for words.
Another week passed by and now, our prime minister announced that our very own MH370 ended up in Indian Ocean.
That’s a whole fucking lot of lives we’re talking about. I was really saddened by what he announced because deep down I wished that the plane was just lost. Lost not perished.

Actually I still have this hope in me somehow that this was just a mistake. Who knows, we’re all capable of making mistakes even our very own prime minister.
What I prayed for during my Bangkok trip and Chinese New Year didn’t come true at all.
I wish for health and safety of my family and friends but that didn’t happen. I wish for happiness for all of them and that didn’t happen.
Was I not sincere enough?

One piece of long ass heart broken post and I’ll update on my Japan trip next.
I want nothing but the remaining of the year to be free from sadness, that’s all.