i’ve got nothing better to do, so i just sort of like read all the drafts that i did not post in my blog.
i like reading back the stuff that i’ve wrote. my diaries, my blog posts, my plurks, my tweets, my emails, and sometimes even chat logs.
yeah, when i’ve got nothing better to do.

since i’ve type it all out, why not i just post it here.
wont make much of a difference, plus it wouldn’t affect anyone cause no one cares. except for me.
two blog posts which i saved it as drafts.

____________________________________
you show me the real you last night.
all this while, you said i were the same.
am i? did i really not change? i’m no longer sure of it.
but one thing i’m sure of, you’re the same too.

as your friend for 8 years. as someone who love you so much. as your ex girlfriend. as someone who were hurt by you badly. as your so call soulmate.
today, i give up. i’m tired of chasing you all these while.
i’m tired from all the toleration and patience.
most important of all, i’m tired of you.

the way you talk to me. the words you use. the way you build your sentences. it hurts each and every single time.
yes, call me over sensitive. call me anything you want.
i’m THAT sensitive. tell me i’m wrong. said it to my face!
tell me in my face that the way you talk to me is good. or that you treat me as your buddy SINCERELY, hence talking to me like this.

i do not know what matters to you anymore. neither do i want to figure you out.
just go and do whatever you want to do. however way you want to treat me, its up to you.
seriously, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

for all these while, you make me feel god damn unappreciated for all that i’ve done. for all the hurt you gave to me.
seems like, any other girl who cares for you when you’re upset is way above me.
i’m always at the bottom. always like a rubbish to you.
yes you can say no. but that is the way you making me feel. its not about yes or no.

and also, at the very beginning i did not mention all these to you is because i know you will give me all your god damn excuses and reasoning and whatever not.
but finally i decided to voice out. it was a mistake.
or perhaps not since i get to see the real you which i somehow forgotten.

you disappoint me again and again, even only as a friend.
lets just say we have different view points.
i do not want to quarrel with you anymore. do not want to stress on shits like this.
do not want to bother about you anymore. go ahead and do anything you want.

you really make me hate you, always.
i do not want to hate you, but you’re too much.
you seriously do not know how it feels like to be me, as your so call friend.

but its okay now. it really doesn’t matter anymore.
i give up on you. yes, you.

____________________________________

sorry my mood is really bad, i need to blog and let it all out.
just please ignore my post and continue doing what you’re doing.

if i knew this would happen today, i wouldn’t do the same 6 years back.
if you ask me, do i still love you. i don’t know.
but if you ask me if i still care, yes i do. a whole lot in fact.

sometimes it feels like i’m being punish for loving too much.
and today, for caring too much.
such punishment.

the tears i cried, you wouldn’t know.
my friends see it more than you do.
the pain i had, you wouldn’t know either.
the pain that you gave to me, it’s still there.
and you add salt to my wound. like it’s not bad enough.

i’m SORRY for what i did.
can you just spare me my life and let me go?
for once can you treat me sincerely with your heart?
or just don’t talk to me at all.

again and again, it just wont stop!
what do you want from me?

____________________________________

so emotional kan? haha.
but worry not cause that was drafts months back, and a week ago.
just to show you guys how pathetic my life was. and at the same time to remind myself, stop this fucking shit for once and for all.
for now, i’m good!
‘sorry you can get piss all you want, but life without crappy people is always good’.

(: