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Daddy

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Me and my daddy
He is the first man who appear in my life. He is my man, he is my everything.
I miss him so dearly.

I always love him more than I love my mom. He is always the one I respect, and never fight back every word he says. He seldom scolds me, seldom hits me.
He will always get me what I want, treat me like his little princess.
Although I always cry because I fight with my brother and my mom scolds me, but he will always be the one who cheer me up.
I always feel that my mom don’t like me, and the one who love me most is him.

There is once when I fight with my friends in the school, I cried, and I called him.
He come to my school straight away, and see how am I.
He came all the way, just to make me feel better.

Being the very forgetful me, I always forget to buy my things which I need.
When I remember, it will be at night already, and he will be sleeping.
I will stand beside his bed, walk up and down, up and down, and think of a way to wake him up. I am very afraid that he might get angry because he is sleeping.
But he will never get angry at me, and fetch me to buy my things.

I remember the day that my mom tell me he has cancer, a serious one.
I was just 11 at that time, what can I do to actually help him??
I couldn’t do anything for him. I see him suffer.
He gets so thin and weak, and I almost cry everyday.
He vomits every time he eats his medicine. I can see that he is really in a lot of pain.
He is send to the hospital, because he is unconscious.
When I reach the hospital, I heard him screaming when the doctor inject him, and I cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t see him suffer. I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
It is so hard for me. So hard..

I remember that night, I don’t know why there are so many relatives in my house.
I woke up, to see what is happening.
My dad is unconscious again, and stand beside him, holding his hand so tight.
I keep on calling him, but he didn’t respond. I don’t know whether he know I am there or not. I saw his tears flow from his eyes. I keep on calling him, but he didn’t look at me.

The next day when I woke up, I saw the furnitures is all moved away. I keep on asking what is happening, and no one answer me. And then my grandma told me that he is gone. My dad is gone. He is gone forever. I keep on crying and crying and crying non stop. I saw him lying down in the coffin, my heart really break.
I always feel that he will recover someday, but no.
I always blame the god, and blame him. Why must he leave me behind, why don’t he stay with us. But I know, he don’t have a choice.

I don’t dream of him that often, although I want to.
But I can never forget these two dreams. I remember in my dream, he came back to see us. But after a while, I saw him wearing his socks. I know that he want to go, he want to leave me again. I ask him, but he say no. I know he is lying. I beg him to stay, but he is gone. And when I woke up, I am crying like hell..

And the other one, just recently, in my dream, I saw someone who look alike like him. Almost the same. I ask him if he were my dad, he say no. I keep on asking and asking, and I stick to that uncle. I know I am being very silly. Actually, I always think that someday, I will sure meet someone who looks like him.

He is gone for 7 years now, exactly 7 years. The date I will never forget.
I still love him with all my heart. Daddy, you are the best..

I am crying while I’m typing this. Stupid me..

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I am angry cause of my brother, and daddy trying to cheer me up..

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My family members..

I love you daddy!!

Jogging

I have to wake up at 6 something in the morning, and go for jogging with my friends.
We jog at this very big and nice park, The Permaisuri park, I guess it is call Tasik Permaisuri in Malay if I’m not wrong.
I couldn’t jog actually, not that I don’t want to, it is that my stomach will pain if I jog or run.
Not the pain that I have to use the toilet, it is the cramp pain.
They jog so fast, and all I can do is only walk alone. Poor me..
It is actually alright for me to walk or jog a little, but the waking up at 6 a.m really kills me.
Too early, but after the jogging, all of us went back home and sleep again. Haha..


The Wong Ee Cheeng after the jogging.


The Mah Weng Kee after the jogging.

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The Lee Zan Shaun after the jogging.

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The very handsome and macho horse.

They are wet, and I am dry. :(
The jog and I walk.
They wanna go again next week, should I go along?

Earing in Foot

My left foot is in pain.
This afternoon as I was searching for my things, I accidentally step on an earing.
The ‘needle’ behind the earing is stuck in my foot, and I have to pull it out.
The pulling is really pain, as I need to pull it quite hard to get that earing of my foot.
And it starts to bleed after that. I couldn’t walk properly, because I don’t want to feel the pain.
It feels like the ‘blue-black’ pain.

I feel tired again. The time is 1.07 am, and I need to bath, and iron my brother’s school uniform, and after that I’m going to have a nice sweeeeet dream.
Good night!!

Love at 12

Have you ever heard this song, ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’ by N’Sync?
This is an old song, which I use to hear when I’m 12 years old.
This songs remind me of someone, my first love.
I know it sounds funny, falling in love at the age of 12. But I don’t see anything wrong.
I’ll call him PJ here. He is famous among girls, and a lot of girls like him, including me.
He looks handsome, and tall, and funny. He was my classmate.

Being the very brave girl, I wrote him a letter and confess, and put it in his mailbox.(He lives near my house.) He saw the letter, and get very angry, and I don’t know why.
I dare not step into the class the next day, because he seems real angry.
I remember him saying, ‘Why there is so many people she don’t like, wanna like me.’
After this incident, I did not talk to him anymore.

Until one day, he call my house phone, and we started talking again.
We chat on the phone quite a lot, and after that, we were together.
I still remember that most of the time when he calls me, I’ll be mopping my floor.
One of my hand holding the mop, and the another holding the phone, stop the mopping, sit on the sofa, and chat. I really did had a great time.
Then there is one day, he sang me a song, I don’t know what is the name, but I guess is ‘Stand by me’. Darling, darling, stand—by me, oh… stand, by me.. It melts my heart.

But, because there are so many girls who like him, and he is so handsome, — he likes another girl.
The first heartbreak, which really really breaks my heart. And the one he likes will always be my good friends. I know that he likes this friend of mine (Vivien, is you la), which his best friend likes her too. And out of jealousy, I tell his best friend, and because of this, their friendship ends. [Feel so guilty at that time.]

Whats worst is that later on, he fall in love with my best friend.
I am indeed jealous, but I never get angry of her, because she is my best friend.
I just get angry of him. I wrote him quite a number of letters, and he pass all of them to my best friend. I was like, what the hell. And lastly, I tear all of them and throw to rubbish bin.
After that I have to shift to another school, and here ends our story.

Things I have done for him:
-Cries a lot for him. I hide in the toilet and cry, because I am shifting and I cant see him anymore.
-I use to drink orange Vitagen, but I change to purple Vitagen, because he loves to drink purple Vitagen. (and i actually dislike purple Vitagen a lot). Whenever there is Vitagen, I’ll take the purple one, although I hate it a lot.

I don’t think I will actually forget him, not that I still love him of course, but is because this is a sweet memory for me.
Gosh, we did not even hold hands.

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People use to say this to teens who are in love, ‘Go and get a life and study hard, don’t always think about all the love thingy’.
Loving someone means they don’t have a life and they should get a life? Sounds ridiculous to me.
Loving someone is no right or wrong. We use to love someone since we are small.
We love our daddy and mummy, our teachers and friends.
Children have their own kind of love, which I think is far more better than adult’s love.
Children’s love don’t involve money and sex, it is pure love.
Whatever, I just dislike people who say that kids cant love. Total crap.

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Sick

I am sick..
Stomach pain, and headache.
Might be the Tom Yam.
Bad, I can never eat that Tom Yam again, because I promise him so.
:'(