Thoughts

Not a post by Peggy Chow

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Hmm, hello? Wtf I know that’s lame. But ya, I’m not Peggy Chow who is writing this post. I’m a shameless friend of her to ask her to give me this opportunity to write a blog post. I just feel like writing out of a sudden. D:

I’ve knew her for long, well I would say it’s long enough for me and her to get this strong bond. As we grow older (fml I think we are getting older aren’t we?) I realize it’s just so hard to get a friend like that. It’s never easy. I remember clearly some words from a very good friend of both of us. She said “friends are forever”. I never quite thought about it until I heard it from her, and like I said earlier, as days go by, people come and go, those who actually made the effort to stay, is rare. We can always understand each other easily, even people around us who is actually listening to our conversation don’t really know what we actually on about, we sort of like having a secret language or code, that can only understand by me and her. And I’m loving it. (:

Think properly, it’s actually harder to maintain a friendship than a relationship. Well, at least to me it is. Friendship doesn’t involve commitment, it’s based purely on trust. You are not obliged to update what’s happening around you lately, you are not obliged to keep in touch with them, you do it on your own, your own will. What more when I’m not even around her? I’m in this land, far away from home, it’s even harder with the huge time difference that we got. But nevertheless, we still make it through and here I am, writing my very first blog post. (:

In this month of November, which is kinda special to me. Probably is me that having too much time in my hand, makes me think even more. This is our favorite month I must say, and the reason for it is clear. *evil grins*
But ironically, we only celebrated each other’s birthday for once. Ya, you got me right, it’s only once in these 7 freaking years. I think we got some curse for it or something. )): is there anyone out there that can break the curse for us? D:

For me leaving my beloved country to live and study overseas it’s a really good experience I must say. It tells me a theory that I’ve already knew “幸福不是必然” I knew it, but I never actually felt the meaning of it, not until I leave Malaysia. Friend like this never easy to find and I must say that I’m very very very lucky to have one. Families that are always with me is precious.They are my everything. They are there no matter what I’ve done, how rebellious I was, they are there to forgive me, encourage me, giving me support and what not. They are everything that I needed.

Relationship, going overseas is killing, LDR is never fun, you don’t feel like you’re actually in a relationship when you are having a LDR. Everything feels so unreal, all you do is, video calling as if he’s beside you when you needed him. But it’s never the same, you wouldn’t get cuddle, you wouldn’t get kisses like you normally do. Everything is just so surreal. But I guess that I’m blessed, he didn’t love me any lesser, he still loves me like I never left before. Sometimes I wonder, what have I done in my past life to deserve such a perfect guy like him? I think it’s miracle (:

I think I’m pretty blessed. Good friends, good families and a good relationship. What can I ask more? How can one not blessed when you have a friend like Peggy Chow, that will share all my ups and down. She never went away when I was down, she’s always there when I needed her, she’s always here to share all my happiness and the downside in my life. She’s the one who will cheer me up when I’m not, giving me advice when I’m confused, opening me up when I’m overly stubborn. I’m blessed to have her.

But here again, another year that I couldn’t sing happy birthday song to my bff. The thought itself makes me sad already. )): but nevertheless, I know that she will still have a great one with her love one around her, and this makes me feel better and happy for her, truly from the bottom of my heart. (:

Okay, I think I’m writing a really really long essay here. I guess I should stop rambling in case you guys got too bored and blame Peggy Chow for this >< And lastly, happy birthday Peg, may you have a great one. (: Lots of love. xx Sincerely, Your partner in crime

Time heals all wounds.

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I’ve got nothing interesting to blog about lately or that my post just doesn’t seems interesting enough to me. Either way.
But I wont say that my life is uninteresting lately since every now and then people come out with some unexpected surprise for me which I don’t very welcome.

Time heals everything, very true indeed.
But exactly how much time do we need, none can answer that question.

I finally have the chance to meet this friend of mine two days ago while clubbing, after more than a year.
I’m not sure if we’re still consider as friends because we don’t seem like we are one.
We had a conflict last year, we hated each other’s attitude.
I was beyond upset because I sincerely treated him as a good friend.
It’s so bad we’re not even friends on Facebook anymore.

Bumping into him again that day feels awkward.
I always come across situations like this. Bumping into the wrong people. I hate ignoring people who are once my friend but every time I tried to squeeze that word ‘Hi’ through my throat, it doesn’t seem to come out.
Every single time.
I dare not look at him for fear that I might not be able to squeeze the word ‘Hi’ again.
But he’s just right beside me! He looked at me, we shook our hands and talk a little. Finally.

I was happy despite how ugly it was long ago.
Things that matter then do not matter to me now.
In fact I’ve already forgotten about the incident and move on.
In fact sometimes I miss him (as a friend) because we use to spent so much time together, hanging out.
In fact we use to be damn good friends.

And it was a relieve, really.
At least things weren’t that bad. At least we talk.
My other friend who stand right opposite of us keeps repeating the word, ‘So fake..’
I’m not sure if he’s being fake but I know I’m not.
I just need some time to shake that awkwardness away and be comfortable all over again.

To me, time heals everything.
But to others, I’m not so sure.
If you’re still mad or unsatisfied about something, it is just because you do still care.
If you don’t care, why are you mad in the first place? Right?

Even this girl who used to hate me damn lot added me in social networking sites recently.
Even me and my ex started talking and I stop hating him.
I don’t really care bout what he did or did not do anymore because it’s no longer my concern which is also why we can be normal friends and talk.

All these stupid things that happen, again and again is about misunderstanding.
Everybody has got it’s own version of stories but stories don’t consist of just one people.
If you get what I mean.

Me talking to that particular friend and my ex is the best to prove to myself that time indeed can heal everything.
Or at least for me.

Don’t hate while you can love.

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One thing I learned from my past – hating a person is one of the best way to torture yourself (well, that is if you intend to make yourself suffer).
Like love, hate is a strong word.
And I used to hate, a lot.
I hated these people so much that if killing isn’t a crime, I’ll prolly kill him/her at that very moment.
Hate – to the core.

Funny thing about hatred is that the hate you have for that particular person do not really inflict pain on them, but instead on yourself.
The greater the hate, the greater the suffering you’re gonna get.

I must say I’m definitely not a person with a high EQ and for me to let go off the hatred is indeed quite a difficult task for me.
I tried letting things go for a couple of times but sometimes I fail because I get extremely agitated and upset when people try to provoke me.
Especially when I found out that people do me wrong. Somewhere in between I couldn’t control my feelings and actions and I tend to spit out the meanest words possible.
After a while I told myself to calm the f* down and let things go.
And then I tried again. And again. And again.

When I finally get to do it, I realise that I have less ‘burden’ with me. I feel so much lighter and happier. I lost the negative energy and exchange it with positive ones.
Now, I stop hating people who wronged me. All the betrayals, lies, and those who framed me up. I truly feel much better that way.

Hating, is really such a waste of time and a waste of your own energy.
What’s done is done, it’s the past, especially if the hatred comes from a previous relationship.
Why hate when you’re so much closer with the one you’re meant to be with or better still when you’re already with him/her.
Pretty pointless to be angry over the past for so long. Let go off the grudges.
A lot of times, two individuals hate each other due to misunderstanding because in a way or another, there will never be an open heart conversation and trust.
But if one tries to tweak his/her perception a little bit and try not to hate, sometimes it does work.

And all this, is one of the best thing I learned from the worst experience.
It is always better to have friends than enemies. (:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Quote from Bhuddha

*
And as you can tell from my previous post, which is a password protected post that I’m pretty mad about something. I was days ago, but now no longer. (:

Never try changing a person.

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If you think you can change someone, you’ll prolly only be disappointed in the end.
Temporary change, that is. I might be wrong.

But that’s what I believe in.
Only situations can change a person.
Situations, experiences. And most of the time, it’s a bad one that changes them.

No matter how hard people dear to you try to give advise on how some things will do you no good, you just wouldn’t listen. It’s just human being being a human being.
We just don’t listen until it’s too late.

Like how I wouldn’t listen to my bff on certain things until she proves herself right which is already too late for me by then.
She must’ve been mad because it is pretty damn annoying when you care about someone, wanting the best for them but they just wouldn’t care.
That’s how i learnt my lesson and changed.
And I remember someone once said to me, ‘you don’t have to nag and act that way. If I don’t wanna listen, let me learn myself’.
Well said.

You just cant forced people to listen to you if they’re not willing to.
Maybe all is needed is for the worst to happen and then you can stand upfront and say, ‘I fucking told you so but sorry it’s too late.’

#justsaying

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Puff after puff

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I used to really dislike smokers a lot. I wouldn’t use the word hate as it is such a strong word.
The smell of a smoking ciggaratte never fails to make me cringe.
On addition to that, dad influence me a lot in this particular matter.
He really dislike smokers too and of course he’s not one himself.
I’m very proud to have a dad that doesn’t smoke though most of his friends and brothers do smoke.
I remember how when we’re dining outside, especially at hawker stall dad will never pick a table beside a smoker’s table.

I recall few years back how I’m that annoying girl friend who nags everytime any of my friend smoke infront of me.
How it will destroy one’s health. Not to mention the smoker itself, but the people surrounding who inhale second hand smoke (example me).
Nag and nag. Asking why do they like to smoke so much and no matter what reason they throw at me, to me it’s just a pretty damn lame excuses.
I even picked ‘how smoking kills’ for my public speaking class.
I was very determine. For what? I don’t know.

Until the point where more and more of my friends picked up the smoking habit, more and more friends I met smokes.
Then I realize there isnt any point in nagging and I start to really get use to smokers around me without myself even realizing it.

I eventually stopped all my nagging. It stopped being an issue.
Even guys I like are actually smokers. Nothing wrong with that, I thought to myself. I even said I don’t mind them smoking, in fact I really didn’t mine. Couldn’t care less.

Even me myself was once tempted by that cancer stick.
Times when I was down, emotionally down. Those once what seem like a bloody lame excuse suddenly make sense.
It destress you a little, it clears your mind a little when it is congested with what seem like rubbish.
Which is why I hate people offering me that stick that seems like a magic wand, being able to clear my clog mind.
I’m afraid one day I no longer have the will to say no to whoever that offers it to me.
Haven’t try taking a puff yet, not even as a social smoker for I know that I won’t be a social smoker only.

And then this smoking thing starts coming back, becoming an issue all over again when I find out that it’s really hard to see people you love smoking that cancer stick and not nagging.
When you love someone be it friends or whoever, you really wouldn’t want anything bad to happen on them.
Finally it all make sense again, you see them taking puff after puff and all you could ever think of at that very moment is how bad that bloody stick is destroying their health.
And well, it just hurts a little and a little bit more.

To people I love, friends and family I love; smoke less.
Smoke less will be the only annoying words from me to smokers.

Smoke less, smoke less, smoke less x 1000000000 times (super annoying me).

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