I know this unavoidable day will come be it sooner or later but deep down I’ve always secretly wish that my I-know is wrong.

And today is the day.
A day that I’ve always been afraid of.

I was laughing happily with my friends when I saw someone who looked like you.
For a moment, I stayed stagnant.

‘Tell me this is not true, tell me that I’ve mistaken someone else as you. Tell me what my brain decoded was wrong’.

I felt a sense of relieve knowing that you’re walking towards your car but at the same time I was worried so I mumbled inside of me, ‘Please you can’t see me. DO NOT SPOT ME!’.

Didn’t quite work out the way I wanted it to be.
I knew you saw me but I tried to avoid eye contact at all cost.
But you just have to come near. You just have to stand right beside me and forced me to mumbled out a weak ‘Hi’.

You just have to.
You just have to.
You just have to.

Today, my emotions stirred up a little inside of me while I was at work.
Yes, while I was at work.
I blame it on my monthly visit and maybe the songs that I was listening to.

Songs can be a pain in the ass sometimes when it nudges you and say, ‘HEY, look here! Look at this piece of memory? Remember how this felt like?’. ‘HEY, HEY YOU!’.
And sometimes you just cant ignore memories, they’re all inside of us. They’re a part of us, they grow with us.

This may sound weird but I don’t fancy happy songs. The happier a song is, the more I dislike it.
Which explains why I often had sad memories when songs reminded me of them.

I wasn’t having a sad moment today. Not quite like it.
I was just somehow reminded of how hurt I once was. Too many flashbacks.
I remembered the pain I suffered and it was such a painful one I wonder who else suffered from this kind of pain.
I was reminded of how dark my day was and happiness seems like a total stranger to me.
I woke up everyday feeling that sharp heartache knowing that I cant do a single shit about it.

I struggled for too long. My best friends stood by me, and watch me suffer because I wouldn’t listen to them.
I miss both my best friends. They’ve been through so much with me in my life and without them, I’m not sure if I can go through it myself.
I feel so blessed to have them in my life and I cant believe these two can make me cry while I type this haha.

I do realise that a lot of people dislike me and one of the reason being is that I stood up for myself.
I fight back and defend when it’s full with bullshits.

I was told that my ex said, ‘Cheap people like you can only afford going to bazaar and buy second hand stuff’ about me.
What kind of a person will say something like such? Especially when it comes out from a guy.
I am sorry if me being not as rich as you, I mean not being as rich as your parent makes you cringe.
I am also sorry if my family background that is not as good as yours makes you cringe.
I am also sorry for the passing of my father that resulted me being a cheap person because I do not have my father to rely on while you have yours.

But I am not sorry when I have the ability to earn my money now and you don’t.
In fact for the past 9 years I’ve been earning money and there is nothing to be sorry about.

You can laugh at my pathetic life, if you think it is pathetic and if it entertains you.
I don’t mind.
_

I was a little down while I worked and thought to myself, dad why aren’t you here.
Why am I sitting here doing this kind of shit job which I hate.
But the thought just ends there.

I am better than that and I am stronger than this.
I am always reminded by my bestfriend that I am a strong person.

Yes I know.
I knew it all along.

Comfort zone - A place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress.

For many, comfort zone usually equals to home.
As the saying goes, there’s no place better than home.

I’m not too sure if I should agree on the above saying.
Home is a good place to be, of course.

But my home is not my comfort zone, sad to say.
I never feel comfortable at home unless I hide myself in my room or that whenever I am home alone.
I really am dying to search for my own comfort zone so that I can stay away from the unnecessary stress given.
And I often wonder, where will that place be.

I feel like I found it sometimes, but I cant be sure.
And most of the time, I wish I could just leave and fly to where I wanna be.

A home away from home, will be my comfort zone I suppose.

Situation like such, I’ve seen and experienced many a time.
And I often questioned why.

I don’t wanna stereotype but just let me be for this time.
Boyfriend’s friend, girl friend’s boyfriend, guy friends, boyfriend, and ex boyfriend, sometimes they do really act the same.

Sometimes they don’t mean to do it. Sometimes their brain did not function on that particular day. Sometimes they say it’s just a guy thing.
Sometimes they say we girls take it too seriously. Sometimes to them we are insane.
Most of the time, they neglect our feelings.

Maybe guys are insensitive beasts. Maybe guys do not have as much empathy as girls. Maybe they think they’re too cool to even care.

Every human being including you, me, or Brad Pitt are not perfect.
Your girlfriend is not, neither are you.

I saw guy friends doing nasty things behind the girlfriend’s back.
I knew my girl friend’s boyfriend doing nasty things behind her back.
Then I experienced it myself, both ways during the past.

Every single time, I feel agitated. I hate this fact.

It wasn’t exactly that kind of cheat, sex and all.
To guys, it might not be something. In fact, to them it is always nothing.

Not sex but your girlfriend’s feeling should still be taken care of.
The girl you love most. And the girl who love you the most.

I hate my friend because he did not for a single second at that moment consider the feeling of my girl friend.
I was upset for I know that this will definitely hurt my friend a lot.

Guys, please.

Before you hug another girl at the dance floor, rubbing your stupid dick on another girl’s back could you please take a moment to consider your girlfriend’s feeling who actually trust and love you more than anyone else?

Before you pull a girl over so that she can sit on your lap at some dodgy bar, could you please spare a second to think of the person who love you the most?

You know what?
These pleasure to you guys that last for a few hours is a pain for your girlfriend that might last for years. Or maybe a lifetime.
Because they lost trust in you. In guys. And in love.

Before you decide to do something that is this stupid, please put yourself in her shoes and think.
How would you feel if your girlfriend is the one who hugs and dances with a guy, rubbing her boobs on the guy’s chest.
How would you feel if your girlfriend is the one who sits on some other guy’s lap at some dodgy bar?

You think you’ll like it? Fancy that feeling?

Most of the time the guy will go mad, like a fukken mad dog. (Yes, they can be this unfair sometimes. Peanut brain.)

If you don’t bloody like the feeling, please don’t friggin do things like such to hurt the person who love you the most.
I’m actually getting more angry as I type, thinking bout guys like that!!

For guys who always think that your girlfriend is not hot enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, and the list goes on…
Please take a look at yourself.
So you have a body like David Beckham? So you have a career like David Beckham? So you are as rich as David Beckham? So you are as handsome as David Beckham?

If the answer is no, then stop comparing your girlfriend with some other girls and constantly think that she’s not good enough for you!

Seriously! Guys like that don’t deserve having a girlfriend.
Just go and hug girls at dodgy bar everyday, that will do the trick.

I know not all guys act that way and if you’re one who doesn’t act that way, I like you!
Because guys like that are hard to come by these days.
Because you’re a good man for taking care of your girlfriend’s feelings.

I also know there are girls out there who act this way and turns the situation around.
So it’s not always the guys but in this case I’m talking bout guys so I don’t really care lah…

Also, I don’t only mean cheating and stuff.
Being in a relationship means that you have to consider the feelings of your another half.
Stop putting them into hell if you love them and if you don’t love them enough, call it quit and stop wasting each other’s time.

Youth is precious.

P/S: For people who like to assume, don’t assume. I’ve been wanting to let this out for the longest time because sometimes I feel like some of my girl friends has got the worst boyfriend and I feel angry, like now!