Thoughts

He is back.

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Daddy,

Brother called mom just now and he is back home already.
Indeed, he is in lock up and indeed, he is selling pirated vcd.
I couldn’t really accept this. How could my brother sell pirated vcd?
I know you will definitely be very upset, so do I.

I don’t think that mom and Vincent will actually be upset about this.
Because I ask that stupid Vincent how now, and he say what how.
And he say me stupid.

He is your son, and I really care and treat him as my brother.
Even he is half my brother, he is still my brother.
He always dissapoint you, and I don’t know why.
He never listens to you and he never studies.
But you still love him, I know..

I wanted to sms him, and tell him stop doing that.
I want to let him you you will definetely get very upset.
I want to let hime knpw what he is doing is not right and he wont have a good future doing that.
But I dare not. Because I am younger than him, I am afraid that he might not like it.

We are apart of you, and he is apart of you.
You know you always are the first in my life and since he is apart of you, I want him to be good. I just don’t want him to be like this forever.

I know his life is a lot tougher than mine, he lost you, and his mom is not by his side.
But he should think. He should…
Should I sms him, daddy?

Ching Ming is coming and I’m very happy. Couldn’t get to visit you last year due to Ah Pak’s death.
Come to my dream, I’m waiting..

Edited: He sms-ed me and call me not to worry. He promise me to change his job and ask me to take care. He will find me after he has a new job. I hope he keep his promise..

How about your dad?

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I always talk only about my mom in front of my friends.
It is hard for me to actually talk about my dad, especially with those friends who are not so close to me.
My friends (mostly new friends) will ask what my mom work as and I find this very difficult to answer. And I usually answer them she is a business woman.

And when they ask, ‘What about you dad?’, this is even more difficult then the question before. It is very hard for me to answer them.
I find it very awkward if I answer them because they will feel very sorry and the situation will go weird.
How should I answer them?
He is not here anymore? I am afraid some will ask me where he has gone.
He died? The word died is not nice to me.
He pass away? Still sounds very weird.

I will answer them ‘Hah-?’ and usually my close friends will hint to them.
It is not easy to actually tell people thaty my dad is not here anymore.
And sometimes when people ask me what my dad work as, I will just tell him the job he used to work last time and not telling them he has gone.

I don’t bother to explain to every one actually. I don’t think I need to.

Study

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I am typing this using metapad and not wordpress because there is some problem with the line.
So, being the smart ass I am, I type using metapad first, to save time. *evil grins*
Yah, I know I am not smart, but you don’t have to say that.. -.-

Ok, I am back from Oldtown Kopitiam.
Went there to study Economics with Shaun.
I have to do this because I am not paying much attention when the lecturer teached.
Yah, you can call me lazy or whatever you like, but Economics is just not really my thing.
It is so so boring and it sucks. Almost every class I sit there day dreaming.
I rather study my own then listen to the lecturer, I don’t know why.
And since the final exam is nearer and nearer and this is the last semester for me in foundation, so I must pass all the subject.
Ans so, I study Economics with my Shaun.. Hehe..
I am at Chapter 3 now, supply and demand. Ok, enough for this, this is not what I actually want to talk about.

I slept at 4am last night which is because I am not tired and I am thinking…..
Shaun told me that he might study his degree at overseas. Suck right??
Bf going to overseas and you study alone at Malaysia.
But this is the best choice for him, I wont tie him up here.
I want to go overseas too, unfortunately, I CANT!!!
Reason – $$
Even studying at UCSI is already a problem to me. I am going to borrow money from PTPTN to support my fees.
My mom is definetely not going to pay for me, even she ada the duit..
Why? I also don’t know. At first she called me to study Form6 and I was like no way man..
This don’t work for me and I know it.

Mom: Study Form6!!
Me: NO. It is just a waste of time for me. I know I cant do it. I know what is best for me.
Mom: I know, you want to follow your friends ma, all go college, you also go college la, got face ma..
Me: !!!! Half of my friends go to Form6, OK???
Mom: I don’t have money for you. You don’t have to study, go to work.
Me: (wtf) I can borrow money…
Mom: Who say you can?? You thought you are very clever..
Me: (wtf again) I am not that stupid. I can study, OK? Don’t (f*king) look down on me, can or not?
Mom: You so geng, you borrow and let me see la..

And I will borrow the money next semester because I can’t borrow while I am still at foundation.
She is like so not supporting me and all I wanna do is study.. Duh..
I know, you will say then choose Form6, but those course don’t suit me and it really will waste my time.
And now, you tell me, the very unfortunate me how to go overseas?
Ownself sea also almost cant go already, say what overseas..
Those of you who can go overseas, you are so bless you know. Appreciate it..
I really want to go because I can gain more experience, be more independent, and my certificate will definetely smell a lot nicer..
So, anyone willing to sponsor me?? Please, I am really serious..
How I wish some uncle (not gold fish uncle) will keep me at their ‘kei’ daughter and let me study overseas.
If you know anyone who is willing to do that, do let me know.
My life is not as easy as you think it is..

The connections is so sot I have to post this today, instead of yesterday… -.-

Lost

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There are so much things that I wanna say…
But I don’t know where to start and how should I actually say it..

There’s a lot going in my mind recently and I’ve been keeping it all to myself..
I wanna talk but I don’t think so I can..

Pretty or ugly?

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Just finish bathing.
And I realize something just now.

The moment I think I look the prettiest is right after I take off my clothes and ready to bath. I will stare at the mirror and look at myself for few minutes. Because I think I look nice. My hair a bit messy, but I like it this way.
But other than this moment, I don’t think I look nice.

Sometimes when I went out to cafe or shopping, and when I look at myself from the mirror in the washroom, damn, I look so ugly.
How come I cant look like the way when I am ready to bath?
So funny.. -.-

I look pretty because I look like my mom, and I don’t look pretty because I look like my dad. People might think that I look nice base on my picture, but actually I don’t.
I am not that pretty actually, to be specific, I look ugly.
To me, I can look damn ugly at times. And I hate it.

I don’t like my eyebrows, look so untidy and weird.
I don’t like my forehead, don’t look nice. (Luckily I have fringe to cover it)
I don’t like my mouth, no shape at all and big. I quite hate it, really.
Don’t like my nose, not sharp enough.
Don’t like my eyes, not big enough.
But I like my eye’s colour, something like brown. (This is the only thing I like..)
I don’t like my height, so short!!!
I don’t like my boobs, so small. DON’T LAUGH!!!

Seems like I don’t like so many things about myself.
Although my mouth is not perfect, nose not sharp enough, eyes not big enough, but when all put together,……still ok what..

I look pretty and ugly.
I don’t know what I am saying, and what I am trying to say. Damn.

Annoying Aunt and Idiot Cousin

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It is like ohmygod!!!
Can you please like shut the hell up for one god damn minute? Can or not?
I have this super duper extremely annoying aunt is at my house right now and keeps on babbling and screaming and talk non-stop. I mean NON STOP.
Oklah, maybe I over react a bit, but still very annoying, Ok?
Alright, I admit that every time she comes, she do all the housework. Very good, we don’t have to do anything. Buahaha.. But it is not like we force her or what, she is willing to do it..
But then, after she do it, she will say ”Tired until LAN like that”.. in cantonese.. You know the ‘LAN’ means dick. She so so so rude, almost every word also got foul language..
I cant stand it man, make me go crazy every minute.
Everything also wanna bother, I like to put my things at that place is my business la, why the hell she care? It is not like bothering her or something. Every single thing in the house also wanna say, my pants also she want to say, my books also she want to say, I eat or not she also wanna say, I talk on the phone or not also wanna say.. Cant even zip her mouth for one second.
Talk so damn loud some more.. And she is screaming now, scream and shout and scream and shout.. Whatthehellman…

Plus I have this very idiot cousin staying at my home, her son la..
Also very annoying and likes to act like an idiot. Every time eat also got very loud noise coming from his mouth, really feel like slapping him. If the dishes is nice, he will eat a lot and no need to left for people, as if he is staying in his own house like that.
My house now is like a don’t know what place, maggie mee and biscuit and vitagen also have to hide. Because if we don’t hide it, he will finish it all, and don’t left for others.
Do you know how annoying is that? If you buy foods and he finish it all up for you..
There is once when my boyfriend gave me cookies, and I don’t want to eat it first, because the cookies is so yummy, and that idiot finish all my cookies. Wtf!!
Even if my mom buys mangosteen, that bastard will eat all, and don’t left any for my mom.
Eh, my mom pay for it!! And also those very small chocolate chips I use to put on top of my cake, also he steal and eat it.. Those are chocolates for making cakes la, not for him to eat like that. He really is a retarded fella..
First day in the school call people fat ass, I mean he don’t even know who he is and he call that person fat ass. So so rude!!
Some more wanna act as if he knows everything when he knows nothing at all.
I just wanna f*** his damn ass..
Sorry la for being so rude, but I just hate him man.

Try and come to my house and stay with them, you will die man..
These two are driving me crazy.. Someone help me please..

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