I waited for Shaun to have lunch together at college’s cafe.
I was alone, sketching my project.
There were two Nigerian beside my table, and I smile to one of them because he smiles to me. He walked to my table and sat down when his friend left.
We chat, and he ask me where I am from. He thought that I am Indonesian, wth.
And next. he talked to me about religion. He asked me to join him to church.
To make things clear, it is not that I hate going to church, it is just that I have very weird feeling in there, and I don’t like that feeling very much. No offense, really.

He told me to wait for him to finish his class and show him where my house is.
BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BRING ME TO CHURCH!!
And he ask for my number, I gave him the wrong one. I gave him Digi, when my number is maxis. And he saw my phone, with a maxis on it, and ask me to give him my maxis number. I always am not good at lying my hp number, and I hate it.

He ask whether do I have a boyfriend or not, and I answer him yes.
But the crazy him later on told me that he likes me and will like me to be his girlfriend.
A Nigerian saw me only once and talk not more than 30 minutes asking me to be his gf?
He has gone mad, I guess.

And later on he send me sms saying,
I love you and I would like you to be my girlfriend.
I love you. aduz. (which is his name)

I dare not smile to Nigerians anymore..

You are like the wind,
Sometimes the wind is here,
Sometimes the wind is gone,
Sometimes the wind is light and easy,
Sometimes the wind is strong and harsh,
Sometimes the wind touch my face gently,
Sometimes the wind cant even be felt,
Loving you is just like loving the wind,
I can never keep the wind,
I can never control the wind and ask it to stay,
Just like I can never keep you,
Just like I can never control you to love me,
I can never hold on tight to the wind,
Just like I can never hold on tight to you,
Loving you is like loving the wind,
Like the wind, you may be gone any second.

Some stupid poem I create while listening to piano.
Moody people like me will not sleep till the dawn breaks in and creating stupid poem.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day for me.

Life is precious, I realize that, but somehow when I am enjoying my life, having fun here and there, I tend to forget that life is so so precious.

One minute someone is talking to you, and the next minute he/she might be gone.
It is hard to accept the fact that someone you love or even someone you know is in a critical condition and may lost his/her life any second. Things are unpredictable.

I am quite shock this morning that he told me his mom couldn’t wake up, in coma.
I know she has some headache and she feels dizzy, but I don’t expect her to be in coma.
And what shock me the most is that…….she has a big large tumor in her brain.
I am really worried. I look for them in the hospital.
I saw his dad and him crying, and I am feeling very bad.
I want to console him and give him strength but I know, its hard for him to listen to what I say. The atmosphere in the hospital is so stress and tension, I feel like bursting.

I couldn’t really control myself from crying. I’ve been through what he is going through now, and I know exactly how he feels like.
Being in the same hospital as my dad went last time, is kind off tough for me.
It bring backs so many sad memories, and looking at them crying, just make me wanna cry more. I try so hard to control myself, and somehow I did not cry much.

Her condition is consider okay now. Half of her tumor is taken out already and we have to wait for 48 hours to make sure she is stable. The tumor is so big large, it will really shock you. I really want her to be fine and healthy.
Please, please, please, please everyone who his reading my blog..
Please help me pray for her and hope she will be in a stable condition and she will recover fully and has the strength to scold his son again.
Argh, I just hope everything will be fine.

There is so many things going in my mind just now that I want to blog it out.
But it seems so hard now when I’m sitting right in front of this computer.

He went for some pilot interview just now.
Being a pilot is his back up, second best choice for him.
His parents support him and actually want him to be a pilot.
Being a pilot looks cool, yes, I admit.
And being a pilot can brings home quite a lot of money. (Which is why his parents want him to be a pilot.)

Do I want him to be a pilot? It is hard for me to answer this.
If he couldn’t pass this semester, he might leave to New Zealand or Australia by July.
One of my friends told me that pilot can f*** any stewardess he wants.
Sorry if my words hurt anyone, but this is what my friend told me.
Even if pilot cant f*** any stewardess he wants, I guess maybe some of the stewardess will also come to the pilot itself.
I am not saying that my boyfriend is handsome, but his look are quite good and he is young. No one can guarantee that stewardess wont stick to him.
And I cant guarentee he wont stick to stewardess either.

He loves to be pilot. He wants to be a pilot.
I want so much to support him, but I just cant.
I don’t have faith in him and I don’t trust him.

I trusted him before, again and again, and until today, I actually don’t trust him anymore.
I trust him sooo many times, yet, he destroy the trust I have in him.
He broke his promises, cheated on me, and hurt me too many times.
It is so hard for me to trust him again, especially in this situation, where there are loads of stewardess waiting for him.

See, I do love him a lot. More than he love me, I know that. And I am not ready to let him go yet. He don’t love me that much, I know that too.
Well, from the start till now, he is still the same. He don’t actually love me with his heart, like I do. A girl just know it, how much the boy loves her.
He don’t have to explain and try hard, I know you don’t really love me.
It is like a job, fetching me, coming to my house, calling me, and stuff.
This is not from his heart, this is not because he loves me, this is more like a task to him.

He know truly what the heck I want, what I need, what I love. Yet, he didn’t do it.
Because he don’t love me enough. To think of it, he seldom use his heart to make me smile. Well, the same things I told him, he change for like a week or so, and then he become the old him again. Too many times, till I am bored of saying.
His mistakes, I forgive but not forget. Sometimes, I thought to myself, maybe I should let go last time, then I will have lesser heart break.
But I love him too much, how can I let go?

He knows my weakness – love him, thats why he attack me. He knows that I wont leave him, thats why he don’t care. I know, some guys are like that. Or maybe I should say, humans are like that. They never appreciate things they have.
From what I see, I think our relationship wont last forever. I already have the picture of leaving him someday. Not because I don’t love him, but is because I love him too deeply.

I know you will read this post. If you love to be pilot, then do it.
Don’t because of me and let go your dream. I am not your wife, so you don’t have to do it just because of me. Just follow your heart and do what you like. I am serious.

Thinking of him no longer be by my side and leave me all alone just breaks my heart.
I want to cry…………