Wow, good job and well done. You are really excellent. The thinking of you and me together just makes me wanna puke. I deny and deny, that you are not like this. But I cant hide it anymore when someone just tell it straight to my face what kind of a person you are.

You are a stranger to me now, I know nothing about you.
But well, truth to be told I’ve never know you anyway. Never.
What kind of a person you really are? The question I always ask myself.
But today, I don’t wanna know because I already know it.

I was shocked at first, I feel like crying. Why would you want to do that to me?
My feeling is none of your concern, right? Do you feel happier this way?
You know you are wrong in some way, do you? Or do you not?
Telling people about what I’ve done wrong so that it makes you seem a little nicer?
So that you are not the wrong one? So that I’m the one who causes all this?

I know, just so that people see you as the pity one and see me as the bitch. Just so that you will feel better when no one puts the blame on you.
People will believe what you say, they will. I prefer to not tell people is not because I don’t want people to know that I am wrong. I hide a lot of things from people just to protect you and me. For us. But I guess this is a rather stupid thinking. I’ve learn that you don’t have to really be a nice and good person to look nice. All you have to do is tell it off to people first, so that they hear your part of story and pity you. Very clever step.

It doesn’t matter anymore whether how these people sees me. Yes, I am wrong. Yes, I’ve done wrong. Yes, I admit and live with it. What about you? You hide everything, you hide what you have done in the past. You don’t even have the guts to stand up and admit your wrong. All you do is deny.
I really have the great eager to tell it off to people just like what you did. Better still, to show off those gross pictures. But on second thought, I don’t wanna be like you.

I know I’m wrong and I want to make the rest of my life right. I don’t wanna continue being wrong. I don’t wanna be like you, doing all the wrong things and hiding it. You know what you have done in the past. You know it very well. I don’t need other people to know it. Its ok if you think what you did isn’t wrong. Its ok if you didn’t realize it and didn’t even try to change. Its ok if everyone thinks that you are right and I’m wrong.

Just make sure you can sleep well along with the guilt every night. Oh, maybe you don’t feel guilty at all.
I know what I am doing and I am aware of it. I really don’t wanna be like you.
After knowing what you’ve did and what you’ve said, I really see the truth.
I do believe in Karma. I’ll just wait and see.

You don’t have to believe me. Other people don’t have to believe me. As long as I believe in my own self, its good enough.
You will no longer be my concern.

P/S: I know what you see me as. I was once your toy, but I no longer will be.
This will be the LAST!

Short Note: Anyone want to help me paint my room? Darlings?

November is gone and December is here.
20 days more to Christmas and the year will end very very soon.
Another year again. Time is moving so fast, without me even realizing it.
I’m not sure if this year’s Christmas will be same as the last one but I hope not.

Am I looking forward to this year’s Christmas?
I’m not very sure myself. One minute yes, the next minute no.
Oh, don’t bother. I am forever like this.

The Dj beside me just played a nice song. He keeps playing Christmas songs today.
Its ‘Last Christmas’ by Ashley Tisdale and this is the first time me listening to it.
I really like this song and I hope you guys like it too.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me
Happy Christmas

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying “I love you”, I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now, I know you’d fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special
Special
Yea yea

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A friend to discover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I’ve found a real love, you’ll never fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

I’ll give it to someone special

I’m not feeling very well for the past 2 days. I’ve got an upset stomach, headache, and my nose went bleeding last night when I was pig-ing sleeping. I really don’t know what is wrong with me, especially my nose. The bridge of my nose gets cold really easily and once it gets cold, I will get headache. This is bad. I know I’m lacking of sleep lately, and also lacking of water. I drink so little water, it ain’t doing any good to my body. Sigh… Maybe soon I’ll die from god knows what sickness.

I’m going out tonight with my darlings for some window shopping, or maybe a real shopping.
I try not to be happy because I really dislike the feeling of disappointment.
No thank you, I don’t want to go through the feeling of disappointment again and again. It is killing me.
I’ll just make my feelings stay neutral. Even if I’m happy, I will try not to.
Staying neutral is the way.

Don’t be happy, because if you are not happy you won’t be sad.
Er……………. never mind. My brain is a bit out of the place now.

See you darlings tonight. <3

The DJ beside me played this song just 2 minutes ago.
I remember me sitting beside you in your car, listening to this song.
Every time this song is played, I somehow couldn’t control my tears.
However, today I feel nothing. Numb.

Skies are dark it’s time for rain
Final call you board the train
Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye to yesterdays
Wipe the tears you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby, you don’t love me anymore

Say it isn’t so
Tell me you’re not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don’t wanna let go
So say it isn’t so

Ten to five at least we tried
We’re still alive but hope just died
As they close the door behind you
Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I never found you

How can I be smiling when you’re gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Miles and miles to go before I can say,
Before I can lay my love for you to sleep
Oh, darling oh
I got miles and miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear
Me laugh again

Short Note: I just cant stop buying one thing. Magazine. My house is full of magazines and I cant live without these babies. Helps to kill my boredom.

Grrr, not happy.
You know what sucks? Disappointment sucks!
Disappointment can really bring down my mood; down into the drain. Wth..

Everyone deals with disappointment. Yes, we surely do, but what kind of disappointment?
Let’s say, you did not promise me on a particular thing and all you say is just a word, maybe.
I know I shouldn’t expect you to do it but somehow I still expect and I get all disappointed when it did not turn out the way I expected. I am always, always like this since ages ago.
Not a good habit I know and lucky someone just put some sense into me not long ago.
I now will try very hard not to expect anything if it is not confirm. I will keep reminding myself not to expect or expect the worse. Keep reminding and keep reminding, and it somehow does really work.

But what about this? You promise me on something and you cant do what you promise.
When you promise me or confirm me with something, I definitely will expect things to turn out the way we agree. Right? Or no?
This will then be a major, super major disappointment when you couldn’t do it. Total turn off I must say.
I like things to go according to plans and that is why I always ask for confirmation. And once you confirm me, things shall go accordingly. And also that is why I give you time to confirm, I give you time to think and plan.
Its either you tell me you are not confirm and I won’t expect anything or you tell me you are confirm and I will expect things to turn out a certain way.
If you cant do it, do not promise me. Can?
I rather you telling me not confirm then to disappoint me this way.
I keep using the word ‘you’ here but I am pointing at no one in particular. Its just that quite a number of my friends are like this. Sigh, maybe I shouldn’t plan so much.
I shall start to learn the tak apa apa attitude, the attitude that most of the Malaysian have.

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* I look damn chubby in this picture. Its called Hamburger face.. -.- And look at the bear bear, squashed. lol.. I just woke up and still in my pajamas.. :’D

Its my off day today. : )
I’ve been working for one week and now staying at home is really boring.
But I miss my baby cousin so much. I only get to see him on my off day. : (
I didn’t get to see him for one week only and he knows how to talk so much already.
He got this Madagascar toy from McD where he needs to shake it so that the sounds come out.
He shake shake but no sound come out and he says ‘mou seng’ (no sound).. lol..
He is just too cute. Haha..

Erm, I don’t know why I’m so so bad at handling my own feelings.
Like last night, I was kind of not happy but in a split second I’m very happy. -.-
My mood changes very very fast.
Or shall I put it this way, some people in my life just wont stop hurting me and some people in my life are there to make me happy.
But these people who are there to make me happy, will they be permanent there or is it just a temporary thing like always.
I’m not very sure myself. Last night was quite a good night except that I have a sucky dream.

See, sometimes when I try too hard I tend to put high hope on it. And most of the time I get disappointed in the end because things just wont turn out the way I want it to be. I know, that is what we call life. After so much failure, I sometimes don’t dare to go for the things I want anymore. But then my friend ask me not to be a coward. Coward will only fail and not success.
How true is this actually?

A very nice quote from Rocky Balboa.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit; its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.
That’s how wining is done. Now, if you know that you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him or her, or anybody.

Cowards do that and that ain’t you. you’re better than that.

Maybe I have to go through a lot of failures only I will finally success and have a really good one.
Anyway, I’m going for Madagascar tonight. : )))))))
Can’t wait for it, I’m excited. Haha..
Sometimes I tend to get very excited over little things and I’ll be really really happy when I get those things. :’D
I hope I’ll be really happy tonight. :’D
Can’t wait, can’t wait.