Thoughts

Before Chinese New Year comes..

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4 more days to go before Chinese New Year comes but it feels more like 2 more weeks to go.
I’m actually really looking forward to this year’s Chinese New Year but somehow I still cant feel the excitement yet, I guess its because this year’s Chinese New Year is a little too early compared to years before.
Or was it my house? There’s no mandarin oranges, no biscuits and cookies, no sweets and no nothing. My house basically has nothing.
Mom?

The only thing I feel like doing is wearing my new clothes. I cant stand looking at it lying near my bed everyday knowing that I can never wear them till Chinese New Year comes.

Although I do really look forward to it, but at the same time I feel really awkward about it.
Why so?
On 27th which is the 2nd day of Chinese New Year is the day where daddy leave us.
Ya, you see, its really awkward. My brother will not feel anything as I know he will not remember bout it and as for my mom, I’m not sure about her.
Its a little hard for me. I’m afraid I might be thinking about it whole day and lose when I gamble. Ok, I’m just trying to be a little more humorous, wtf.

The ninth year. Wow.
How can time passes this fast?
Even though its been this long, everything is still so vivid.
It has never been easy after the day he left me.
At times, I wish to turn back time and be a little girl once again.
Whenever there are people who bully me, I can turn to daddy.
Now? All I can do is face it alone.
I really envy those girls who have daddy around them, really really envy.
How I wish he can see me grow and teach me how to lead a better life whenever I’m lost.

The worst year ever in my whole life is 2000 and 2008. Equally devastating.
I was really worn out from so much grief.
Like whoa, do I really need to go through this kind of heartbreak in my life?
And I always used to ask this question. Why me? Of all people, why choose me?
But I no longer ask this question today cause I know it is pointless for me to ask. Who is there to answer me anyway.

I just hope that things will be even more better when Chinese New Year comes. Life is pretty great now if I omit the part where there are still people who tries to bring me down. I suppose that’s what called life. People hate people.

I’m not emo, not at all.
I just dislike things being this way. I’m trying to tolerate, trying to but I think I fail.

Who are you to judge me?
Look at yourself first before you start making judgment, can?
Why are you so sure that I am the way you perceive me to be?
Do you think you really know me that well?
You don’t even know me, so stop making stupid judgment will you?
I seriously cant abide stupid people like you.
I hate all your judgment towards me.
Fuck you!! Grr, wtf.

Anyway, anyone wanna go watch movie with me? I feel bored this few days.
My tattoo is feeling really itchy. -.-
I’m so random. Bye.

Eternity

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Currently listening to – ‘So what’ by Pink

Like seriously, omg can you believe it?

I can’t believe myself.
I can’t believe myself that I’ve finally done it.
I can’t believe myself that I have the guts to do it.
I can’t believe myself that I can overcome the fear and the pain.
I can’t believe myself that its finally done and it will be with me for the rest of my life.

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* Do I look terrible? I think I do, I’m lack of sleep.

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* At last its done. It spells William, my daddy’s name. :’)

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* An upclose of it. I really like it a lot, what say you? Nice?

Now only I realise that I’m not that weak after all, I can endure the pain.
I’m really really afraid at first especially when people keep telling me that the area I wanna do it is very painful.
Its pain, it is but at the same time that feeling of pain is very special.
The pain that I have not experience before.
I think I’ll remember the pain forever and this will be the thing that keeps me alive.

Damn, I feel like doing another one at my back, the neck area.
Just feel like it but if I’m really doing it, then it will be ‘Do Not Fear’ and I wanna put it vertically.
Why ‘Do Not Fear’? I don’t wanna be afraid of so many things in life. Afraid of this and that. I want to have the courage to do whatever I feel like doing.
I hope I don’t get too addicted and keep adding inks into my body.

I feel really great having my dad’s name on my wrist.
I guess it will look stupid to some of you guys, wondering why am I doing brainless stuff and such.
It might be stupid to you guys, but it is not at all to me.

Like I said earlier before, I’m glad to know that whatever happens, he is just right there for me. And its even better when his name is on my wrist, just right where my radial pulse is.
The feeling is just unexplainable, and I’m lazy to describe anymore.
I’ll just leave it to myself, haha. :’D

Anyway, Unifest is super awesome. Can’t wait to blog about it.
After that few hours jumping around at Unifest, I went to play badminton. Reached home around 1 something midnight and yet I go online. Follow by the four hours class the next day. I look like a dead fish in class and I took a short nap while my lecturer asked us to do calculation. Super tired.
Lucky I’ve got no class tomorrow, I can sleep like nobody business. :’D
I’ll try to wait for those photographers to upload pictures so you guys get to see a clearer and nicer pictures but if they are too slow, then I’ll just post mine.

Peggy Chow, look at yourself. You’ve finally done it, omfg. (sorry, a bit hyper at the moment.) :’D
I’m proud of myself because I overcome the pain, which is one of the thing I fear most.
Nothing can beat me down now. : )
From fake to real baby. :’D

P/S: I’m going to Poppy tonight, yeah. :’D
Edited: Oh ya, I drew that font myself. Hee.. : )

Life is Short

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Remember; life is short, break the rules, forgive and forget quickly, love truly, laugh happily, and never regret anything that made you smile. : )

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I think my life is getting better and better each day.
I thought 2009 is gonna be sucky but somehow it seems like its doing quite good at the moment.
Maybe because Chinese New Year is around the corner, I don’t know.
The first 2 weeks is kinda sucky to me and I keep telling myself that the year hasn’t really ended yet because Chinese New Year is still not here, wtf.
I’m saying that just so that I will feel a little better, how pathetic.

Shoey asked me, do I know why the beginning of the year seems so sucky to me? I don’t know, I really don’t.
She said to me; how much of bitter I get, thats how much of sweetness in return.
Yes, how true is that. If one do not experience sadness, how do one experience the happiness?
I really don’t know what kind of obstacles will I have to face along the year but at this moment, everything seems good.

This new bunch of friends really widen my thinking. That few minutes chat in the car really opened up my mind.
I live my own life, why do I have to always be sad because of others?
Life is pretty short, I’ve got no time to be sad and keep whining about all those shits.
I no longer wanna make my life miserable because of people that is not worth it at all.
All I wanna do is live my life to the fullest without regrets and do things I should do.
Study hard, play hard. How great is that. :’D

After what has happened, I come to realise that I really cannot believe fully on what people tell me.
Those promises, those assurance, and all those words. This time for real, it really doesn’t matter anymore.
To you, it seems like it too right?
From what I saw, from what I heard, it seems like things are really this way.
I don’t wanna ask nor talk about it if you do not want to.
I already decide to put it down, so its up to you now.
It seems like its nothing to you. I’ll just say what I normally say, never mind. I’m done with it. : )
Me and you, not fated to be. Tak apalah..

Friends said, do not think so much and do what I feel like doing.
Pain is what keeps us alive. No pain, no gain.
I hope I have the guts to really do it. I’m afraid.
Yah, I’m talking about tattoo here. Hallelujah, lol.

Yo, I really cant believe myself sometimes. Cant believe that I put it down so easily, smiling as I type this post. Cant believe that I’m so much tougher compare to last year. Cant believe that I’m enjoying my life. Right now, nothing makes me sad anymore. I’ve put down the 2 things that make me unhappy. :’D

There’s quite a number of activities lately, and I’m sure there is more to come.
And I just realise I achieve two other new year resolution of mine, which is being a happier person and exercising, wtf.
At last I’m exercising after such a long time. Exercising as in playing badminton, haha.
My hand is freaking pain after the badminton session the other day. Its so so pain, as though its telling me that I didn’t play badminton for centuries. -.-
Not sure if I can keep up with my resolution for the whole year, but I hope I can.

I’m going to Unifest tonight for concerts. :’D
Oh, Unifest is some thingy held to celebrate UCSI from turning into University.
It no longer is a college university, it is a university.
I hope it will be fun. Might be going for badminton after the concert.

Tight schedule, tight schedule, wtf. :’D
Peggy is happy. : )
My post is so out of order. Its scattered everywhere.

Confusion

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Currently listening to – ‘Unwell’ by Matchbox 20

Wanted to blog but I’m kinda blank at the moment.
I’ll just start with some boring stuff first.

Went to dye my hair again just now, for free.
What else? Wanted to go see chinese doctor because I wasn’t feeling very well and I lost my appetite recently. Shoey said that I’m weak and I need to go see Chinese doctor. She said the cause might be me being very sad for such a long time. I was stun when I heard that.
I never realise that. I mean, I never know that being sad and unhappy will lead to sickness. Sigh..

Don’t know why things never seems to end. It looks as though everything is good and nice but somehow, it is not. Even if it is today, it will not be tomorrow.
I always find out things I shouldn’t know. I always find out things that will hurt me.
Its either you people don’t lie to me at all or you people hide it nicely. Don’t hide it but at the same time let me find out about it, can?

I seriously don’t know how to describe my feeling to you. I don’t even know what to react and say when I first know it. Total blank.
I don’t know if what you say is true. I don’t know how true it is.
I don’t dare to believe because sometimes, it just don’t seems like it.
Somehow to me, it is not like what you said. Do you know that I am very afraid?

I no longer wanna ask question. I no longer wanna ask you why.
I’m asking myself why. No one holds the responsibility here.
I don’t think you hold the responsibility, its not your fault anyway.
Its me. Its me who causes the conflict. Its me who is being dumb and being a fool.
Do not assure me and put me as your priority because to me, it just don’t seems like it.
I don’t wanna get disappointed and be unhappy about it. Moreover, its unfair to you.

What is causing all this chaos? I’m super confuse now. I don’t know what I want. I seriously need to think about it. I’m confuse and I’m blank. I don’t even know if what I type make sense. Never mind about it, at least this is whats on my mind right now.

Am I weird? I always feel like going to club whenever I’m not happy. Fuck it, no one cares anyway. I think I’ll just do whatever shit I feel like doing without giving a damn.
I’m stubborn. I am very very stubborn. Argh, I’m really hurt yet numb at the same time.

Anyway, I’m going to Malacca again tomorrow. Not staying overnight, just a day trip. I wanna go party tomorrow night, but I’m not sure if I can. I think mostly I cant make it. : (

***

Oh by the way, what are you trying to prove to me?
I don’t buy it, you don’t have to try so hard.
It actually wont affect me a single bit, so save that job will ya?
I hope what I heard tonight is true because that is what I want it to be and that is what I wish for all this while.
Sorry, I’m a Scorpio. I am revengeful and I want to see it happen that way.

***

On a happier note, I received a Coach’s keychain as a present. :’D

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* Didn’t expect this coming. Thank you so much, I really like it a lot. <3 Night peeps.

Taking steps…

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I woke at 7.30 morning today. Its really early.
My little couzie comes very early today too, so I decided to take him out for a walk and at the same time for me to get some fresh air.
Waking up at 7 or 8 in the morning is so different from waking up at 2 in the afternoon.
I feel so much lighter and fresher when I woke up at 7, simply because of the fresh air that I get to breath. (but at the same time I’m also very sleepy cause I never get to sleep 8 hours everyday.) I have to sleep 8 hours everyday or else I’ll be really dead tired, like now.

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* “The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” John Pierpont Morgan

I am not gonna stay where I am, I am going to move forward. I have plans and I am going to do what I want to do. It might take a year or two, or even more than five years but I’ll work for it.
The worst moment of my life, I’ve somehow walked out of it and I’m seriously happy and proud of myself because at last I can do it. I know I still get emo at times, but the best part is that no matter how emo I am it is no longer about the same person.
I’m picking up my pieces and I’ll continue with my life again. :’)

***

Don’t know whats up with my body lately, I don’t feel very well quite often.
I think not sleeping early contributes a lot. -.-
Headache, dizzy, stomach ache, back ache, and you name it.
Its getting worse and worse mostly because I’ve to wake up early almost everyday for my classes.

Oh, today’s class was nice. I learn a lot from my lecturer from my Media Planing class.
I get to know how its like to work in an advertising agency.
She did scare me a little because it sounds like it is really a tough industry with all the brain storming, all the over time, all the deadlines, all the stress and all the shits, haha. But at the same time it sounded quite cool too, with all those events you get to attend and also you get to watch the ads on Tv where you participate in producing it.
Sorry if my sentence sounds a bit weird, my brain is really tired now, it cant function properly, lol.

I went to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua with Dexter in the evening and its quite a fun movie to watch. Those dogs are extremely cute and funny.

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* This is the Chihuahua, named Chloe that went missing after she went to Mexico.

I never thought of watching this movie at first because I don’t really like Chihuahuas but since I’ve got nothing else to watch, I just watched it. This movie is quite Okay, its from Disney. I like Disney’s movie but still I don’t like Chihuahuas. I prefer other dogs.

Alright, I need to go rest now or else I’ll be even more sick.
I hope you guys stay in the pink of health! :’)

Untitled 5

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Woo, at last I have the time and mood to blog properly.
Sometimes, I really don’t know what kind of perception should I use to look on things.
At this very moment, I am very afraid.
I am afraid to lose things that means a lot to me, I am afraid to lose things that is very very important to me.
A lot of things is beyond my control, I cannot do anything.
I am experiencing the feeling of anxiety, sigh.
How?

***

I’ll be back to college on Monday and start studying again, I miss my college friends.
Last night I have a terrible dream, I dreamed that both my year 3 subjects get super low marks. Damn, freak me out. That feeling is damn scary because year 3 subjects is damn important, I hope its only a dream. No dream come true please.

This is someone who do not want to be disclose at my blog and also this is the someone who present me the Levis watch. <3 dsc08766-copy
* Haha, this picture looks so funny now. You know who you are, hehe. Thanks for everything that you’ve done. :’D

Oh, and I went to BBQ Chicken at Jaya One to eat the other day and I saw this on their menu.
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* Straight away a jerk pop up on my mind and I think this is a dish that suits him best because he is the king of jerk, wtf.

***

Hmm, you know what? Sometimes its not that bad being me after all. At least I have my own style, at least I don’t have to keep referring on other people’s style and try to make it my style. Its quite good you know, cause there’s even people who is willing to take the time to read what I wrote and refer to it. Stylo-milo?
I feel so honored. :’D

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