It sounded quite convincing at first.
…and then I start doubting it.

I know it is never as easy as that.
Your excuse, seems like a really great one.
I didn’t give it much thought until recently and I realise, that’s quite a lame excuse.
Very lame, in fact.
I’m not THAT stupid to not know roughly what’s going on. I do know.

And thanks for the harsh words of yours, it helps a lot indeed.
I know you don’t understand.
You don’t understand what it feels like. Especially, you don’t understand me.
It’s normal for you to not understand me, not like you’ve been through all the hell I’ve been through.
Even if you don’t understand, doesn’t mean you have to come out with words that hurt. Do you?

Please do have some empathy. I’m not quite bless like you are.
I didn’t wanna act like this either and if you haven’t notice already, you’re the one who put me into this.
Sort of.

No one did shits to you just yet, till then you’ll want others to have some empathy too.
I find it hard to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.
Because I can never trust what you said from now on.

Warning: Long post ahead. :X

I took public transport today.
I was in the bus and all of a sudden all memories came flashing back.

During secondary days, we bunch of friends will take the bus down to Sungai Wang and loiter around or to Leisure Mall to catch a movie after school.
I often lied to my mom and told her I need to stay back for some co-curriculum or shits like that.

I really miss school days a lot. I’ve been to four different schools, including my kindergarten. (:
My kindergarten is just near my house and it shifted to some other place few years back. I always pass by it and will smile every time. I feel kind of sad when I know it will no longer be there.
I still remember all the tables and chairs, they are all so small. And I love my English teacher the most cause she really sayang me a lot. I always get to sit on her lap when she marks our book.
And I also remember during break time, all of us will line up and get our food. Red bean soup plus biscuit.
Very cute. :*D

The there’s Sri Murni. I like the uniform the most. We girls wear a blue pinafore inside and a red blouse outside. So when you take out the red blouse, our uniform go sleeveless. So cute.
Me and my friends will always walk up and down the stairs, putting on the blouse and the removing it like what models do when they catwalk. We have our own mini catwalk. Haha.. :*D
Our canteen, I super love the maggie mee but we have to like pour the hot water into our bowl itself and you know my size. I always need help. Oh, I remember the uncle who sells beverages there, I always ask for more ice. Sometimes I go dig the ice myself. :*D
Running under the chalets chasing around, going to the basketball area behind the chalets, and playing barbie dolls and what not during co-curriculum. The best time is when our teacher said, ‘Okay, bring out the tikar from the locker and play your toys quietly’. Best ever. (:
And oh, our school have this chameleon and it scare the shit out of me. @_@

Then there’s Sri Garden. They don’t have chameleon there but they do have bees. Bees scare the shit out of me too. @_@
I’m very proud of my school back then, cause got air-con one, wtf. Normal schools no air-con. @_@ HAHA!
What I love best is the hopscotch. We love to play the hopscotch. And I super like to use rubber band to throw cause its the easiest, wtf. During break time, some have to run down and ‘book’ the hopscotch, and some have to go to canteen to buy food. I always eat chicken wing. Rm1.20. Then my friend Cindy always eat drumstick, Rm1.50. Now a piece of chicken cost RM2.50 and above, so the expensive. ):
I love canteen’s food. Rm1 spicy lala, Rm2.50 chicken rice, wantan mee, porridge, pizza, jelly longan……..
You know, back then the chicken rice to me is very expensive. Sometimes I just buy the yellow rice, it’s only 50cents. Then I’ll pour some soysauce on it and just eat. Very nice actually. Hee :*D

We have this chinese subject where our chinese teacher will paste a manila card on the wall with all our names on it. Those who did well in class will get stickers and I always have 3 or 4 stickers only. My chinese damn teruk can. ): Ah, and during standard 6 we have this stay back thing every Friday for our UPSR, before the lesson start we will have a rather long break. We will always play some silly games in the class, like there’s this one I remember. We will join two tables together, put a long ruler in between and play pingpong just like the TVB Super Trio (Jiong Mun Yan). We’ll play all sorts of funny funny stuff.

Oh, Bam Villa. We’ll also walk over to Bam Villa and buy snacks. Then sometimes go to basketball court to see guys play basketball. hah!
By the way, Sri Garden have the best toilet ever. @_@

Finally my beloved SMK Cheras. ngehehe (:
Best tembok times. How we use to sit behind our class at the tembok and chat nonstop. How we always loiter around at another class instead of our own. How we always say ‘yerrr… lou si lei jor'(yerrr.. teacher’s here) and rush back into the class.
I study in Science2 during Form4 and 5. Me and Ee Cheeng are the naughtiest girls in the class, haha. Both of us like to loiter around so much. We have this Jadual Bertugas and guess what is our job.
Not sweeping the floor or arranging tables. Our job is to empty the rubbish bin, which is actually a guy’s job.
The bin is so dirty but I like to empty it because I get to go out of the class and walk around the school, wtf.

During assembly time, there’s always random spot check and I’ll go ‘SHIT!’, because I’ve got this little pig hanging on my bag. I’m not allow to do so. @_@
But lucky lots of my friends are prefect, including my then boyfriend. All I have to do is just pass everything that is ‘illegal’ to them and voila! :*D

Everytime in the class, I will look at the watch non-stop or Ee will keep asking me about the time. When I get too bored in the class, I’ll start to think what should I eat during lunch. @_@
That’s how bad my concentration skill is. Then I’ll ask Ee, ‘Eh, what should I eat? nasi lemak? french fries? fried rice? i all also feel like eating wor…’. zzzzz, that’s me. lol.
After our lunch there will be junior prefects who will shoo us back to class BUT so many of our friends are senior prefects including boyfriends, so they just leave us alone. Best. :*D
Then when we’re late for our maths class, our teacher will ask ‘you both are prefect ah now? lunch until what time? why come back same time as those prefect har?’ and all we answer is ‘har? er.. hehehehe.’ -_______-
LOL! We even follow the boys, buy icecream and eat it in the class. Damn rebellious.
Then we’ve got this male Physic teacher who will always talk dirty stuff with the guys. All the guys will surround him and will laugh like mad. Everytime I ask what’s that, no one answer me. Wtf lar.

Boyfriend coming into our class, we going to boyfriend’s class, walking around school together really is one of the best time. I just love every moment in that school. Guys and girls talking together in the class. How other teacher was shocked when they pass by Science2 cause our class is so quiet, everyone doing work when there’s no teacher in our class.
And and the songs we sang together on the stage, where I tremble like hell.
How we practice our dance and have fun at the same time for teacher’s day. Omg, endless……….
I just can’t get enough. If only all of us can go back to school for a week, I’ll be really happy enough. (:

Quite impossible I know. No, not quite. It’s totally impossible, wtf.
But fret not Cheras Clanners, we’re going back to ‘school’ soon. :*D
Don’t you just love school. Worry free. You just go to school to have fun.
Homework? What? No one care, lol.

You will only understand how this sentence work after you finish highschool.
‘Enjoy your school time now because school time is always the best.’
Most of us will go like, ‘What? School time best? Are you kidding me? I hate school.’
And now I feel like telling those kids, really.. enjoy your school time.

School is the BEST!! (:

it’s sad when people you know become people you knew.
when you walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them .

i want that night where we laid in my bed with nervous hands. our shoulders touched . you kissed me and i couldn’t stop smiling.

via: ♥
and i wonder why .
it’s the possibility that should keeps us going, not the guarantees.

i’m quite a simple girl with quite a simple mindset.
always hoping that the world will be a better place, hoping that Malaysia will be a better country.
i love my own country, i really do .
if you ask me do i want to migrate, i’ll say no. unless i’ve got no better choice.
no place is better than home.
but it gets to the point where it seems like the country cannot get any better anymore, not in the near future.
its getting worse actually.
when its that bad, you can’t help but think of leaving. sometimes its not like you want to, but you have to.

went out and have a drink with some friends and we talked about world issue and politics and stuff..
i keep stoning, i almost went crazy.
just like what happened to teo beng hock, it’s so depressing.
my friends told me exactly what happened and how he is a good man . how he died.
as i sit there listening to them, i feel a sharp pain. then i teared.
i can’t believe this! these people telling me the real world and stuff and i cried. in a mamak, wtf.
it’s so heart-wrenching. like really. ):

its so sad knowing that the world is operating this way.
all the wars, all the corruptions and bribery, all the greed, all the selfishness and conspiracy . its crazy.
the world is not cruel, it’s those heartless man who are cruel.
i cant accept how people make wars just for the money . i mean, i know money is something.
but you don’t go around killing tons of innocent people just for the money right.
i don’t know, i just cannot accept all this

my friend have this book which talks about conspiracy and he said if i read it, i’ll go suicide.
all the good man dies eventually. abraham lincoln. john f kennedy.
i know there will always be war, as the saying goes when there’s human there’s war.
such a depressing world. ):

why oh why?
why cant the world be a better place? ):

“No one ever said that life would be fair, or that the moments you wanted to last forever would. As you start to realize, people who once said that they cared can stop in an instant and those people who once made you the happiest, are now the ones who make you cry. You realize that no matter how much you care about someone, it doesn’t mean they will care about you. Letting go of something isn’t hard, it’s what you leave behind that’s the hard part. You realize that kisses don’t always mean something and promises can be broken, just as quickly as they are made.”

so long .
the feeling is back.
the feeling of pain.
it’s been awhile since i felt this way .
it has too been awhile since i cried this hard.

i somehow knew it from the beginning but i tried to make it as an exception .
i’m not quite ready for it and it breaks my heart.
memories. <3 but i'm a big girl now, i'll deal with it. (: two weeks . and i'll be fine after that. hopefully. i cant wait for September to come . (: