twenty ten’s november.
a mixture of emotions
all blend together like a glass of mix fruit juice.
Wait, a glass of mix fruit juice with some bitterground in it.
it taste so bad during the first few sips.
wasn’t it suppose to be all sweet and tasty?

I wonder to myself how can my birthday month start out this way?
Why am I being left, yet again when I wasn’t at all ready.
Wasn’t at all prepared for that punch from you, right through my heart.
i knew straight away on that night you left that things are already coming to an end.
but i just thought, maybe when you’re back things would be different.
i thought you might want to spare me some heartbreak since my birthday is here.

how ironic. it ended right on my birthday night.
one month’s gone.
i figured i’ll eventually get over it if we stop seeing each other so often, which we did.
but each and every time when you’re right there in front of me, i just realise how great the impact is to me.
sometimes, even your name or those stupid songs makes me feel so uneasy.
especially seeing you on msn or facebook, it affect my mood right away.

i passed by your housing area just now and it reminds me of so much.
our late night supper. our late night moments.
i miss you a lot. i miss those moments. i miss having you around me at night. i miss finding you when i’m hungry.
i miss talking to you. i miss falling asleep next to you. i miss how you asked me to pinch you. i just miss you.

despite having a bad start at the beginning of november which is really quite bad i must say, i’m feeling so much better now.
it already happened, come and gone. i cant say i’m not hurt. i cant say i don’t feel the pain.
even more, i cant say i don’t miss you and i haven’t been thinking of you. thinking of the times we spend together.

but i’m strong enough to let all these pass me by and gather myself once again.
i do not have a choice, yet i guess this is the best choice for everyone.

i always am that pathetic little girl who will try so hard to cling on whatever i love but this time, no.
i’m unhappy but i think i did not cry. surprisingly.
have to learn to suck it all up when shit happens sometimes.

and everything else. i’ve put that all behind of me.
for all the things that happened.

i wrote this during mid of novemeber but as usual, i never get around to publish it.
i did not cry, not until that day. when i found out you’re gonna leave again!
when i realise things are so not in place, i might not even get a hug from you.
it feels like i really really am losing you even as a friend, though i know that’s not at all the case.
i was just feeling so upset but i guess it’ll all eventually be left behind when you’re finally no where to be seen :(
i thought it was just a crush, but turns out… i fall quite deeply.

well, other than that november is still pretty good.
birthdays. outings. parties and work.
i feel somehow happier after my birthday, despite all the crap that happened.
november’s gone and i’m missing november already!

i’ll see you after a year.
and i hope the next time i see you, it will only be full with happiness.

so, hi decemeber.
wont you be good to me? (: