I always, ALWAYS second guess myself.
I second guess every single decision I’ve made, big ones of course.
Every time I made mistake, i blame myself. Thoroughly.

I regret when things don’t come out right.
I blame myself for choosing the wrong way.
I blame myself for my own heartbreak.
And then I’ll start with all the ‘I shouldn’t have….or I should have….’ kind of crap. To be frank it’s killing me slowly.

I know I should learn from mistakes and bla bla bla… but no. I cant forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made.
I’m really harsh on myself, don’t be I know.
But then that’s me, I’ve always been like this since long time ago.

I try to change. I keep telling myself its okay to make mistake. Every human being makes mistake.
Sometimes all this self-psycho works magically, sometimes it just don’t.

I’m a paranoid girl with problems, lots of problems.
Little problems, big problems, they just get heavier and heavier.
I’ve been carrying all these problems with me and walk and walk and walk.
For so many years, I’ve just been walking with all these problems on my back.
And you just look from afar.
So far away, I don’t even know where.

I just want to stop walking and have a loooooooong rest.
Dad, I’m really tired.

**

Some pictures from Zouk last week. I just don’t feel like talking bout Zouk now, so whatever.

* Ken’s last night at KL before going back to Penang to for classes.

* Both sick of drinking.

* Ken acting nerdy.

* And Ian boy.

I wonder if you can hear me or if all the letters that I’ve wrote works.
Where are you??????????????????
I can’t quite feel you, you know?
Can’t you just come to my dreams, give me a hug and tell me it’s gonna be alright?
You don’t even come to my dreams anymore. ):

I miss you so much, pap. )’: